Many families find themselves pulled apart or fractured sometimes by things beyond control, but sometimes it is through the fault of you or others. Whether these incidences are historic or recent, are they really worth losing people you love over? Conflicts happen, such is the nature of life, but it is how you deal with them that matters. If you want to heal a rift within your family, read on.
Get to the Root of the Rift
What caused the rift? Why have you all been fighting? It is near impossible to move past the rift without getting to the heart of what caused it to begin with. Ostensibly the rift could be about one thing, but unconsciously, there could be many other factors at play. The most common causes of familial rifts are:
- Money, for those who struggle financially, the stress and frustration is often let out in other ways. Whereas those who have more disposable income may find themselves a subject of jealousy or envy.
- Job dissatisfaction is another huge contributor when it comes to stress and conflict. Unfortunately, this often bleeds into other parts of life and lead to ongoing rifts or feuds.
- Relationships with other family members, partners, in-laws and friends can be incredibly trying. Disagreements can lead to long-lasting fraught relationships for years to come. Although it isn’t possible to solve every relationship issue, sometimes ending the relationship is the best thing to do.
Once you have identified the root of the rift, you can begin to fix it. Some things are harder to fix or have more complex factors at play. For example, an arrest in the family may cause several forms of rifts, from feelings of betrayal to financial implications from having to pay bail or losing a breadwinner.
These rifts could be repaired by using a bail bonds agency such as E Parker bail bonds in Tallahassee to alleviate some of the financial strain. The person would also need to work on repairing personal relationships by admitting wrongdoing and holding themselves accountable.
How Does the Other Person Feel?
You should always try to see things from the other person’s perspective; it can help you understand why they acted the way they did. It is important that you make no judgements and instead view their actions impartially outside of the effect they had on you.
Finally, examine your role in the rift. Have you contributed to the issue? Did you do or say hurtful things? There are always two sides, and they will have valid points too.
What About the Rest of the Family?
Are there other people or children caught in the middle? What stress are you putting them under by involving them in your feud? Don’t the other people caught up in your quarrel deserve peace?
These arguments aren’t isolated; they happen within the context of your larger family unit, and it is important that you bear this in mind. Even though the other family members may not be involved in the original arguments, they will still take sides, and that can escalate the feud further.
Make the Choice to Forgive
Forgiveness is not something that just happens; it is not a feeling that suddenly washes over you absolving the other person. It is a choice that you make. Holding onto a grudge impacts not only you but those around you; it holds everyone down with negativity. Sometimes, there has to be a bigger person who is willing to bridge the gap.
You cannot expect the other person to do this. Swallow your pride and be willing to compromise in order to start the healing process. You cannot blame each other forever. Make the first move if you have to, the past is gone, and it’s the future that matters.
Extend an Olive Branch and Begin the Healing
Hold yourself accountable, take responsibility and offer the other parties an apology. You may wish to explain yourself and your actions, but you should also reiterate the importance of the relationship and impress upon them the love you have for them.
It may be morbid but ask yourself how you would feel if they pr you died suddenly and left this rift behind. As the relationship begins to heal, you may need to set boundaries. It would be wise to agree not to discuss the feud or its source for the first three months while attempting to repair your relationship. Instead, take the time to reconnect, even if this means that you start with more superficial topics until you are more comfortable and secure with each other.
Most of the time, if you are wondering whether the relationship is worth repairing, that usually means it is; if it wasn’t, you’d likely not give it a second thought. Conflict is an intrinsic part of human nature; it is impossible to live a life without it and so being willing and ready to repair those rifts is all the more critical.
It isn’t simply crucial for other people but for yourself, too, as holding onto grudges can be incredibly detrimental to a person’s mental and physical health.